APPRENTICE 3: SENIOR CITIZEN DAY

By: B -- 4/14/05

For the second time in three weeks, Net Worth is given the opportunity to pluck their favorite Magna team member in order to even out the numbers. Chris and Alex quickly choose the eternally sweaty Bren, who claims to be excited to snap Net Worth’s losing streak. Not so fast, buddy.

Week 12’s task requires each team to design a promotional brochure for the Pontiac Solstice, a hip 2-seat roadster that hasn’t yet been released. Each team is given the proper resources to make a high-quality campaign; the winning team to be chosen by the Pontiac executives.

Kendra quickly nominates herself to be the project manager, pointing to her design experience as justification for the lead role. Tana and Craig coolly accept, but when Kendra starts suggesting ideas they tiredly reject them like she’s their annoying child asking for a pony. This is a trend that will continue throughout the episode.

Net Worth’s team of two creeps and a wuss – Bren, Chris and Alex – laugh about how easy this mission is going to be. Bren claims that a team with “two chicks” doesn’t stand a chance. Oh, how I love sexist humor.

Tana and Craig continue disrespecting Kendra throughout the day. Kendra explains her plan for the brochure -- a story of a person falling in love with the car from first blush -- to which Craig responds by questioning whether or not she has a theme. Call me crazy, but it seems to me that she just spent the last five minutes explaining it.

The guys from Net Worth all but dry hump the car during the photo shoot. They’re all oohs and ahhs from beginning to end, but they never demonstrate an actual vision. Alex, who is put in charge of the indoor photo shoot, fails to obtain vital shots, to the dismay of his teammates. They pull an all-nighter to finish the copy, but we still never clearly find out what their goal is with the brochure’s design.

Team Magna’s tensions continue into the night. As the clock moves past 2 AM, Tana and Craig get cranky. Craig seems perpetually annoyed, and Tana admits that since she is exempt she doesn’t really care what happens. Classy move.

Finally, Tana decides to tell Kendra that she and Craig need their sleep and that Kendra has to finish this task by herself. They hobble home like senior citizens, losing any sense of credibility they’d built thus far.

Kendra develops the brochure alone, finishing at 8:30 AM. She wakes up Tana when she returns to the apartment and claims she’s so happy with the final product that she feels like she’s just had sex, hinting at a pathetic love life. I wonder how Kendra’s former boyfriends feel after being compared to a car pamphlet.

Each team is proud of their creation, but Kendra’s is vastly superior. Her product is sharp and creative, whereas Chris’ is unfocused, both visually and conceptually. The Pontiac executives report that Magna wins by a landslide (in fact, they also decide to use their brochure in the real-life campaign), though no credit can be given to the well-rested Tana and Craig.

Net Worth’s boardroom session is intense but never too heated. Chris desperately tries to explain why he shouldn’t be fired even though he’s lost an appalling seven straight missions. He fails, and Trump rightly fires him. After an embarrassing crying jag while exiting the boardroom, Chris receives a handshake and well wishes from Sir Donald before making his required walk of shame to the curbside cab.

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