THE DISPATCH: VOLUME II

By: B

The Dispatch is a running column consisting of woo-hoo's and f-you's from the readers of WoB.

B,

I saw a list of the “ten most accurately rated bands of all-time” in the latest SPIN. I thought that was really funny. They had Black Crowes and Beatles on there. For Beatles it said, "most people consider the Beatles to be the most important band in the history of rock music, and since their songs are the best, it's a pretty accurate description.”

#1 was Van Halen. The article mentioned that, “Any song better than “And the Cradle Will Rock” is good, and any song worse than “And the Cradle Will Rock” is bad. If we were to rank every rock song (in sequential order) from best to worst, “And the Cradle Will Rock” would be right in the fucking middle.”

Anyway, it got me to thinking what my ten most accurately rated bands were:

#5 Weezer. Everyone likes Weezer, don't they? Everybody at least likes a couple songs. But no one really talks about them being that great that much.

There's probably only ten or twelve Weezer songs I don't really listen to between their four CD's, but I really don't freak out on Weezer too much either.

#4 Prince. I remember seeing the original VH1 Top 100 artist countdown and Prince was like #17. I remember thinking, "Prince isn't that good." Now I know, Prince is that good. Just about the seventeenth most important artist in rock history.

#3 Rolling Stones. Most people say they're the second-best band ever, some even argue first. I say they're the second-best band ever, and sometimes I even think they're as good as the Beatles.

#2 Creedence Clearwater Revival. The greatest average band ever. There is never a time when I specifically desire to hear CCR, but also never one I am annoyed to hear them.  

#1 The Who. The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and The Who are pretty much the dominant British groups. And while still a great band, The Who are clearly the least important of these four, and I've never seen any kind of list that tells me different.

- Adam G., Duluth, MN

You mentioned that you rated your top ten, but then went on to list only five. I found that to be very funny. Your Rolling Stones commentary was also quite confusing. In any event, I completely agree with your decision to put The Who at number one.

I would put Tom Petty second on my list. The consensus on Petty is that he was a great rocker but nowhere near one of the all-time bests. Everyone agrees that he’s better than Mellencamp but not as great as Springsteen, and I wholeheartedly agree. In fact, I think every single person I know would agree with that sentiment, making him another in the “accurately rated” sector. Interesting stuff.

That article was written by Chuck Klosterman, the Frank Sinatra of pop culture aficionados (others in the pop culture rat pack: Bill Simmons, Hal Sparks, Rachel Harris and Michael Ian Black). Klosterman can write more words about nothing than I could ever dream of (example: He wrote an essay about Saved by the Bell in his book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs that was about 10,000 words long. Impressive any way you slice it). I like Klosterman’s articles about music because he doesn’t infuse them with the common rock journalist pretentiousness. I usually find music reviews and essays to be snobbish and obscure; it seems most music journalists are only interested in showing how smart they are, rather than actually providing a service to their readers. Klosterman’s writings are usually great at sparking up conversations, which I appreciate to no end.

“You can't review movies unless you see Kinsey.”

Nick H., Minneapolis

Fine. I as trying to complete two other reviews from films I saw last week, but I promise Kinsey will be next. Has anyone seen Sideways? I’d be interested in hearing some reader feedback about this flick.

I'd like to extend my heartfelt thanks for discontinuing the Real World/Road Rules Challenge piece.  What that show is is truly a piece of crap.  I could not stand even to watch it for five minutes just so I'd have an idea as to what in the hell you were writing about, thus making visits to your site unfulfilling. 

Although the MTV network does represent all that is wrong with our generation, I do enjoy watching Made, as well as occasionally checking out the True Life show.  The one I saw most recently followed three couples who were all planning weddings - have you seen it?  The dude from Staten Island and his fiancee with the huge fake rack were the highlights as they planned their $48,000 wedding.  Hilarity ensues.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to your take on how the Vikings will finally put an end to another miserable season.  Keep up the good work.

Scott, Des Moines

I want to officially apologize for my now-infamous decision to write a weekly recap on the latest RW/RR Challenge on MTV. What used to be a must-see for pop culture buffs has now become a bloated, unfunny show on an already bloated, unfunny channel. I still believe in television recaps, however, and will ideally begin another round of summaries once I choose a television show.

The episode of True Life that you speak of was first aired two years ago and was quite possibly the best hour of television ever seen on MTV. I especially enjoyed when the groom Charlie (wearing a white tuxedo with the penguin-looking sport coat) threatened his limo driver’s life because the driver was late picking him up. The profanity-laced tirade (which I believe went something along the lines of “I will fucking cut you up, you motherfucker! I will fucking cut you the fuck up if you are fucking not here in fucking 5 minutes!”) made Bobby Knight look like Jimmy Stewart. Anyone who remembers that will absolutely love this article.

I am planning on running a live journal of the Vikings game tomorrow, so be sure to check back.

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