THESE CRAZY KIDS WITH THEIR FASHION

By: B -- 4/27/06

A hilarious email that recently showed up in my inbox:

B,

We could definitely use some commentary on the choice gowns that some of these high school girls are wearing this prom season. Since when did Carmen Electra and various Playboy Bunnies become the inspiration for teenage prom dresses? The exposed skin on these minors rivals that of the shieks girls. Can't these girls at least pretend that the dress isn't going to end up balled on the floor of their Super 8 motel room?

- AM

This slutty prom dress trend is a comedy gift from the heavens. Apparently it’s not enough to dress like a for-pay whore during their everyday lives; now these precocious teens feel the need to sex up even the most formal occasions. And you know, I’m all for it. In fact, why stop there? One idea: prom “couples photos” to be taken action-style. Instead of the traditional pose, the kids’ll be pictured grinding on the dance floor, an intense dry-hump shot, with only two strands of material separating their sweaty genitalia. Now that’s a moment that needs to be captured for eternity.

Say what you will about today’s youth: they’ve got some serious balls. They’re living for today, yo, future humiliations be damned.

However, no matter how fun it is to see these tramps eagerly scurrying to their local Olive Garden for their (pre-dance, pre-party, pre-motel room, pre-painful sex) dinner in their lingerie-slash-prom dresses, a part of me wants to sit them down for a sobering lecture about their lifestyle choices. If photos from my drunken high school moments were unearthed, I’d be mortified. The kids today welcome such memories, delightfully displaying their sordid personal lives for the entire world to see. It’s hilarious in a “you kids have no idea how much you’re going to regret this” kinda way, but also potentially damning. I mean, it’s one thing to embrace living in the here and now; it’s another thing altogether to ignore the future consequences stemming from short-sighted youthful decisions.

It is my prediction that today’s youth will someday be defined for their instant gratification lifestyle. They don’t seem to realize the permanence of their decisions, hence the too-personal MySpace pages, rampant STDs, FlickR accounts, neck tats, and now, prom dresses. I mean, these kids do realize that these photos, these blogs, these what-have-you, will be around forever, right? Sometimes I wonder. I’m all about living for today, but good golly, at least recognize the likelihood that there’ll be a tomorrow. As they say, it’s only a day away.

Today’s youth have it different from the generations of yesteryear. The older generations are forced to rely on a few grainy photos, birthday cards, yearbooks (or "annuals" as they call them) and newspaper clippings to paint the portrait of their youth. We have very little evidence to verify the formative year behavior of today’s adults. The teenagers nowadays collect, record and share every goddamn aspect of their existence, and those collections will stay with them throughout their life, whether they like it or not.

There will come a day, when you and I are old and gray, that a person’s reputation will be shattered by the discovery of a long-forgotten web nugget from their youth. They’ll be running for office, waving to the populace, nicely-pressed suit, sharp hairdo, the whole shebang, when all of a sudden, some diligent media member will discover a photo of the person from their teen years, a particularly dicey blog entry or some such thing…and their whole world will come crashing down. (Imagine if today’s technology had been around 30 years ago; you don’t think someone would have been able to produce photos of a coked-up GW Bush at a frat party, taking body shots off some drunken sorority sister and laughing like a moron? You just know that would have made the Facebook rounds.) Today’s youth have no secrets, and someday, that generational truth will come back to haunt many of them.

It will happen, and it will be hilarious. I, for one, can not wait.

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