MINIMALLY INVESTED: STORIES FROM A PERSONAL BANKER

By: Joe Smith -- 1/25/05

Good Ol’ American Values

I was coming back from lunch the other day and had a Wendy’s bag in my hand. A customer was waiting for me so I escorted him into my office. I set my lunch down and started to log into my computer. The customer asked me if I was married, to which I responded that I was not. He nodded knowingly and said “I was wondering why you had to buy lunch and you didn’t have your wife make it for you.” I replied that I have a girlfriend but she does not make my lunches for me. He then suggested that I do what he did and log onto the Internet and order a bride from the Philippines. “They listen real good,” he said.

The Tactless Mr. Johnson

Dick Johnson is an elderly gentleman in his late 70’s. He has a habit of making 3-4 visits a week to our branch. Nearly every employee knows him by name, and if not a quick description including the phrase “walks with two canes” or “the old man with the tremendously loud voice” will jog anyone’s memory. One day, Dick received investment assistance from my co-worker Rob. The following remarks made by Mr. Johnson have become the prototypical experience with an old man whose inner dialogue and actual voiced comments are one and the same.

Rob: “We're about finished; do you have any other questions?”

Dick: “No, you were great. I do want to say though, you are a big guy and your shoulders are really broad.”

Rob: “Uh…thanks.”

Then, as Rob stands to escort Dick from his office:

Dick: “You also have some really nice big feet.”

Rob: “Mmm-hmm. Thanks again, looking forward to working with you in the future.”

Later that day, Dick made a return visit. Rob had already told his co-workers about the comments made by Dick earlier that day, so the rest of the staff ventured into the lobby to see what else was going to pop out of Dick’s mouth.

Rob passed by Dick and nodded hello. Dick responded with a simple “good to see you again.” Soon afterward, Sunita, a banker from Sri Lanka, noticed Dick and said hello. Dick, who evidently didn’t remember Sunita's name but wanted to be friendly, replied in his booming voice, “Hello! How you doing, Indian?”

Comments that have gotten me into trouble

“What I do is keep track of what I spend; it really works, you should try it.”

“You don’t need to yell.”

“I decided I didn’t want to do it your way.”

“That is a really bad idea.”

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