RW/RR CHALLENGE: BATTLE OF THE SEXES 2

Week one: the rookies, the veterans, the drama-queens and koala bears

Yep, I’ve finally admitted my unabashed love for the RW/RR Challenge. I historically avoid shows like this because of their addictive nature, but I gladly succumb to the guilty pleasure of this sexed-up unintentional comedy.

In my defense, I actually think this a decent representation of reality TV. You know someone’s going to get kicked off, you know you’re going to see new, daring missions, and every woman is beautiful. I also think the lifers on the show get a bad rap. Yes, I realize The Miz and Veronica and the rest of the veterans don’t seem to be doing anything with their lives, but think about it: if you’re in your 20’s and someone offers you the opportunity to fly to a tropical paradise, drink free booze with other good-looking young people, along with the chance to win thousands of dollars, what do you do? Decline and start interviewing for entry-level PR gigs? Get real.

THE NEW SEASON

Season nine of the RR/RW Challenge is titled Battle of the Sexes 2, pitting the alcoholic men against the drama-queen women. The new season takes place in Santa Fe, New Mexico, in yet another jaw-dropping resort (the digs are yet another reason these crazy kids keep coming back year after year). Horse-faced Jonny Moseley is back to host, who has the same amount of personality as a tree stump.

All the regular peeps are back (Coral, the Miz, crazy Katie, Dan, orphan Tonya, Shane, Veronica, bully Rachel, Abram, etc), along with some new faces. Most of the wonderful cast of San Diego is here: Brad, Randy, Jacquese, Cameran and Robin, along with some new Road Rulers.

The elimination process is new this season, as it always is. Before each mission, each team chooses three team leaders. The team leaders of the winning team get to vote off their weakest player; no surprises here.

However, the losing team members have to vote off one of the three team leaders, which means some of the strongest people may be voted off. So the question is: what is the safest way to assure your presence at the end? Do you risk being a team leader so, if your team wins, you gain the power to vote off your weakest members? Or do you sit in the background and hope you’re solid enough to not get voted off? The answer, as always with this show, is who gives a shit? I don’t park myself on the couch every Monday for strategy. So long as there is binge drinking, random fighting and backstabbing women, what’s the diff?

Newcomer Derrick seems like a loose cannon from the get-go. His first complaint is that no one will match him shot for shot. He walks around getting shit-faced while the other guys predict his early exit for home. During his drunkfest he slurs, “I’m alone in this situation. I’m a rebel, I’m a renegade, whatever.”

THE MISSION

The first mission involved the players wrapping their arms and legs around a punching bag suspended mid-air above water. Think of the punching bag as a tree and the players as koala bears. They had to try to hang on for as long as possible, with the winner being the last one to let go.

Since there are 18 members on each team, this mission was split into four flights of contestants. In heat one, all four girls dropped right away. Though Ayanna was a trooper (she’s also completely insane), the girls were manhandled by the guys (the winner being the hungover Derrick). Heat two results in the same (with cocky Abram winning), but heats three and four went to the underdog women (with Coral and bully Rachel as the winners). The Miz got disqualified, Ja looked terrible and Minnesota Dan was impressive as always.

The final heat pitted the four winners against each other, but since the two women had less time to rest, they dropped early. Winners of mission one: Guys.

This meant the three team leaders for the guys team (Abram, Adam and old man Eric) got to vote off the weakest guy, who was obviously Jacquese. This decision took about ten seconds.

The 15 women who weren’t the team leaders had to vote off either Tina (performed well, kind of intense), sometime-lesbian Genesis (also performed well, allegedly a sweetheart) and Rachel (who totally kicked ass but is a bully). Believe it or not, this turned into a complete ordeal! One girl wanted to keep Genesis because, “When I’m around her, I feel like I’m around goodness.” Even Ruthie (aka “Female Tiger Woods”) cried, which proves that every woman on this show is chemically imbalanced. So what team leader were these weepy girls going to vote off? The answer, as always: who gives a shit?

THE CEREMONY

The voting-off ceremony was teary-eyed as usual, with the girl representative saying, “This vote was impossible, I mean more than impossible. I mean, do you follow your heart or do you follow your mind?” Long story short: Genesis got voted off.

The show ended with the obligatory ballad, while Jacquese and Genesis climbed into a van and drove off in the night, presumably to be cryogenically frozen until next season.

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