MY OWN PERSONAL JUMP-TO-CONCLUSIONS MAT

By: B -- 7/10/05

To be seen in September 2005 issue of Industry Magazine

On a recent lunch break, I dragged a co-worker with me to go cell phone shopping. While I claimed I was bringing him along solely for company, I had an ulterior motive in mind: to convince him to buy a new cell for himself. His current model was a mid-90’s behemoth last used by Zack Morris, but the stubborn fool wouldn’t even consider an upgrade. It was embarrassing to be seen with him, especially since he proudly displayed said phone on a hideous belt clip.

As I pointed out all the features on the newest models, he reacted as if I was trying to sell him an STD. “What do these new models have that mine doesn’t?” he asked. “I make calls, I receive calls. What more do I need?”

I continued my sales attempt, but I felt a part of me agreeing with him. What is the added benefit of all these new features? Camera phones seem exciting, but most pictures turn out like one of those fuzzy shots of so-called Bigfoot sightings. This much is true: even though the new cells are getting fancier, they aren’t getting a whole lot more useful.

This futile store visit reminded me of my latest get-rich idea, one that I shared with him then and that I’d like to share again now.

Wrist PDAs. All the functions of the current PDAs, combined with our cell phones, attached to our wrists. I confidently believe this innovation, complemented with the onset of fingerprint identification machines, will someday change every facet of our daily lives. They will be roughly the size of a large-faced watch, with interchangeable wristband colors so we can match our PDA to our attire (rest easy, metrosexuals).

Current PDA models (Palm Pilot is the most popular) possess the ability to be our address books, calendars, notepads and calculators all in one. They are allegedly an invaluable accessory (especially for those in the business world), storing all our information in one place. So why doesn’t anyone own one?

I’ll tell you why: they’re bulky and inconvenient. Men are rapidly converting to the slim wallet and money clips to save pocket space and cut down on bulk. Where exactly do they expect us to carry these stainless steel bricks? I refuse to buy those extra-pocket Dockers, and cargo pants simply don’t fly in Corporate America. Women now carry purses roughly the size of a stick of butter. Think they want to lug around a PDA? Get real.

With our PDAs firmly and stylishly attached to our wrists, pocket clutter will no longer be a problem. And once these devices are made available to the public, they will become ubiquitous in no time, making every task simpler and faster.

Imagine checking out of a retail store. You swipe your goods and then simply run your overturned wrist through a bar code-like scanner. The scanner reads your PDA, immediately recognizing your name and displaying all your check and credit cards. You choose the one you want to use, place your fingerprint on the machine to confirm identification, and you’re out the door. This will take mere seconds.

When someone calls you, your wrist PDA will vibrate (or ring, or light up, or whatever you set it to). You’ll check your caller ID and remove a tiny earpiece to answer the call. Your hands will be free and the sound quality will be crystal clear. (We can even implement a glowing PDA to signify that a person is on the phone, finally clearing up the confusion that occurs when you see someone seemingly talking to themselves (or you), only to discover they’re engaging in a hands-free conversation.)

Now think of heading to a coffee shop. After you receive your pure-fat latte, you’ll waddle over to a row of computer screens. You’ll find a scanner there, too, and you’ll swipe your PDA to identify yourself. After confirming your identification with the necessary fingerprint machine, it immediately pulls up your entire personal hard drive. Answer e-mails, shop online, pay bills, etc, and save by simply swiping your PDA through the scanner again. Computer screens can be available everywhere, including libraries, hotels, backseats of cabs, fast food joints, the DMV, and more. Do long flights bore you? Not for long.

There will also be a setting for wireless headphones. Our wrist PDA will have the capability of containing every album we have ever owned and every song we have ever downloaded. We’ll also be able to plug our PDA in to any stereo, meaning you can bring every song with you, and play it everywhere; at parties, at work, in the car, etc.

All your personal information will be instantly and continually backed up to a central (government funded?) hard drive, eliminating any worries should you lose your PDA. Simply purchase a new PDA (the hardware should be easily affordable), run your fingerprint and whalla, all your information is back.

If my daydream comes true, our laptops, cells, calendars, wallets, iPods and notepads will soon converge into one remarkable piece of technology.

And the best part? No more belt clips.

TAKE ME TO THE TOP