APPRENTICE 3: THERE WILL BE DRAMA; BUT FIRST, NAUSEA

By: B -- 5/5/05

Congratulations are due to those viewers who decided not to watch The Apprentice this week and instead venturing out to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. B regrettably tuned in to what turned out to be the dreaded Interview Episode. Excuse me while I attempt to refrain from vomiting in my mouth. Again.

The three remaining competitors – Tana, Kendra and, incredibly, Craig – attempt to calm their fears the night before the interviews. Kendra mentions that she feels her cohorts are teaming up against her while Tana and Craig further stack the odds in their favor by dropping to their knees, clasping their hands together and praying to the CEO in the sky.

Each competitor has four interviews with four powerful but virtually anonymous CEOs. The interviews, no doubt tense, are regretfully shown in an amateurish split screen montage style. The editing decision lends the viewer little substance, but thankfully shows the entire process in just a few painless minutes. Craig is cool but lacks substance, Kendra is assertive but young, Tana is Tana.

13 minutes into the episode, the interviews are over. The CEOs submit their recommendations, which result in: Craig – zero “hire” and two “fire” votes; Tana – two hire and one fire; Kendra – two hire and one fire.

17 minutes into the episode, Craig is hastily fired.

The remainder of the episode is dedicated to the final challenge – or challenges, to be more specific, since finalists Tana and Kendra are given two different tasks. To complete these tasks they receive a three-person team of previously-fired Apprentice candidates (always a fun twist).

Tana will run the “NYC 2012 Athlete Challenge,” a VIP sports exhibition created to promote New York City’s bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games. She is given an empty Chelsea Piers gym and a team of Brian (short, narrow-minded spaz), Chris (hotheaded snuffhound) and Kristen (female Andrew Dice Clay). Tana quickly admits she hates her incompetent team but carries on with her familiar rural aplomb.

Kendra is assigned the task of coordinating and hosting the Best Buy Video Game Championship in Webster Hall. She is given an equally gawd-awful team of Michael (lazy sleaze), Danny (goofy poseur) and Erin (real-life Brenda Walsh).

The final scenes of the episode show Tana and Kendra being pulled in too many directions at once. They’re required to make dozens of vital decisions in a matter of seconds, along with managing the most incompetent, explosive teams NBC could assemble.

Meanwhile, I’m kicking myself for my inferiority to the finalists. I had only one decision to make tonight – stay in or go out – and I made the wrong one. Tana and Kendra, I commend you.

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