APPRENTICE 3: PROLONGING THE INEVITABLE; IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY?

By: B -- 5/12/05

Leave it to me to find something to complain about. I have genuinely enjoyed season three of The Apprentice, but you wouldn’t know it by my whiny recaps (I’ve gone back to read a few and am troubled by my unnecessary negativity). Alas, Week 16 is no different.

Even though the final task, pitting Kendra against Tana, was one of the best episodes of the season -- drama-filled sans manipulative editing -- I found myself disappointed at the inconclusive ending. For some reason, I was under the impression that this was the final episode. It's a shame it wasn't since this was the ideal episode to end on: complex final mission, concentrated boardroom and suitable justification for choosing a winner. Why in the hell has this relatively splendid show chosen to drag out the conclusion?

Oh, right. More shows equal more money. Never mind.

The episode picks up where Week 15 left off. Kendra’s main objetive in managing her Video Game Championship event is to keep her sponsors happy (last week, The Playstation executive was particularly peeved at the measly on-site presence of her brand). Tana’s challenge is to reign in her staff while dealing with an intense event set-up schedule.

The majority of the final hour is devoted to Tana’s inept management of her NYC2012 event. Her first snag occurs before 7 AM of the Big Day, yelling at her employee Kristen (the drama queen) for taking her sweet time preparing for the day. A sleepy-eyed Tana sips her coffee while gruffly deeming Kristen’s tardiness “the biggest sign of disrespect” she’s ever seen. Apparently this is Tana’s first experience working with a woman. The rest of us chalk up late starts to biology.

The day doesn’t get much better for the Milf wannabe. Tana spends much of her day running around the event in a frenzy, trying to clear up mistakes while getting yelled at by seemingly everyone. In an interview, Tana shows her true colors by complaining that she didn't receive enough compliments. For much of Week 16’s episode, Tana appears to be on the verge of a mental collapse.

Despite the evidence to the contrary, Tana approaches guest of honor Governor Pataki and says, “I think you’re looking at the next Apprentice.” I’m sure the guv-nah gives a shit.

Kendra’s event is run infinitely smoother and thus, receives far less tube time. Kendra makes a dedicated effort to please the Playstation executive, handing the responsibility to shyster Michael after giving him explicit instructions, and not halfway through the episode the Playstation sponsor decides she is 100% satisfied. There are no snafus throughout the event, leading Kendra to cry deserved tears of joy at a job well done.

Kendra tastefully sheds a few more tears in the boardroom as she’s describing the indubitable success of the event. Tana has an uphill battle after clearly losing this mission, and gives a valiant effort ("I left my family in Iowa to come be your next Apprentice!" "I'm a shark in a goldfish costume!"), but it seems apparent that Kendra deserves to be crowned as the next Apprentice.

And just when it appears that Trump is going to give Tana her unfortunate but deserved heave-ho, the episode ends (and my requisite complaining begins).

16 weeks down. One to go.

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