American idol 5 -- episode 11

By: B -- 4/12/06

The biggest story you’ll hear about this week’s American Idol will be the transparent logic behind the theme of having each competitor sing a Queen tune. The cranky journalists (probably annoyed at being forced to cover the low-brow Idol) will point out the fact that “Queen Night” lands on the exact day Queen’s Greatest Hits album is released, claiming Idol to be a capitalist cog ruled by some all-powerful puppet-masters. They’ll bitch n' complain about the biz, the scheming, the duped masses, yada yada yada. Me, I couldn’t care less. Queen rocks, and I’m happy for the decision. Sure, there was an economic motive behind this week’s theme…but who really cares?

Now, on to this week's recap of the spectacle that is Idol (which will be brief because your author went to the Strokes concert tonight and had to catch Idol via TiVo, way past his bedtime).

Bucky Covington
Bucky’s cover of the excellent “Fat-Bottomed Girls” is by far his best performance yet. The song sounds tailor-made for a tone like Bucky’s, and the band actually plays at an acceptable volume. The song is so good, in fact, that it’s almost listenable. Not quite – he’s still the worst competitor left – but darn close.

Ace Young
Just when you thought he couldn’t get any more “John Travolta in the ‘70s,” Ace shows up to Tuesday’s performance wearing leather pants. What the frig? The pre-performance clip shows Ace asking the Queen members to adjust the arrangement of “We Will Rock You” for his Idol rendition; they promptly deny the request. Hilarious. Anyhoo, the cover is completely generic and comes off hollow. Obviously.

Kellie Pickler
Pickles is so whored up makeup-wise I barely recognize her. The hair is so bleached, the eye goop so extreme, that she looks like a next-generation Tawny Kitaen preparing to crawl on a Camaro in a Motley Crue video. Kell’s version of “Bohemian Rhapsody” is a bit dramatic to start out – complete with Constantinesque stares at the camera during most of the first verse – but once the bands chimes in she loosens up, relaxes into the call-and-answer and starts stretching the vocals out. The effect is actually, surprisingly, kinda-sorta awesome. The spark, she's been re-kindled.

Chris Daughtry
Sings an unknown track entitled “Innuendo,” which has the theatrical undertones of “Rhapsody,” but is a much cleaner, straight-forward anthem rock tune. The Queen guys cream their jeans over Chris during the pre-performance clip, and rightly so; Chris is, once again, powerful and larger than life and kind of freaky and…well, I’ll put it this way: his rendition is so solid I forgive him for wearing eye makeup.

Katharine McPhee
I’ve never heard “Who Wants To Live Forever,” but Katharine chooses it because "the song is really all about the voice.” Bold move. McPheever essentially stands motionless and wails some pompous tune that sounds lifted from the Bodyguard soundtrack. The song choice is so lame I begin to feel myself falling out of love with Kat.

Elliott Yamin
When I first heard about the Queen theme, one wish immediately sprung to my mind: to hear Elliott sing “Somebody To Love.” Call me gay, color me girly, but that was my wish. My favorite Queen song combined with the best vocalist this season…how could anyone not be pumped at the prospect? Well, to my delight, Elliott actually did sing “Somebody To Love,” and he brought the house down with his spirited vocal work-out. The best performance of the night, and possibly one of the best all season.

Taylor Hicks
Taylor admits to choosing “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” because the tempo allows him the opportunity to dance. The rationale is a bit off, sort of like if Britney Spears were to choose a ballad to emphasize her vocals. Why spotlight your weakness? And though the strategy sounds ostensibly ass-backwards…admittedly, Taylor’s choice pays dividends. He shimmies around the stage with his embarrassing old-man jiggle shakes, rocking-n-rolling Happy Days style while belting out the words. The result is a bit cheesy, a lot silly, and actually quite enjoyable. Definitely above average, if only because it was different.

Paris Bennett
I wonder how Paris felt when the makeup artists decided to give her a white girl hairdo. Girl, you were in the bottom three last week, it’s time to get Caucasian on those fools. She’s sporting the wispy bangs and layers usually spotted on fair-skinned suburban teens, but despite the oxymoronic ‘do, Paris rocks an unheard-of-by-B “The Show Must Go On.” Here’s hoping the lil’ sparkplug sticks around a while longer.

Tonight’s best performances: (1) Elliott Yamin, (2) Kellie Pickler, (3) Chris Daughtry.

TAKE ME TO THE TOP