American idol 5 -- episode 14

By: B -- 5/3/06

So America, I have to ask: what do we think about each competitor singing two songs this week? On paper, I’d call the concept a winner. A two-song episode means more singing and more variety in the same time frame, but better still, less tube time for the judges. The scenario seems to be, as they say, win-win.

However, in actuality, the night was pretty much no fun whatsoever. Trying to squeeze ten songs into one hour resulted in most being about 90 seconds in length; essentially just the chorus. They should have just renamed the show American Idol Lite. Chorus, next song, chorus, next song…and so forth. I felt like I was listening to a stage version of Jock Jams.

Then again, anything that results in fewer Paula Abdul antics is going to get my stamp of approval every time.

Elliott Yamin

Song 1
Elliott kicks off the disappointing evening with George Benson’s “On Broadway.” The band obviously doesn’t have the chops to play it with any ‘tude, therefore the whole thang felt a bit cruise line. I can’t fault Elliott for the music, but I also can’t say I enjoyed the performance. I can’t, therefore I won’t.

Song 2
I am proud to report I’ve never heard Elliott’s second choice – “Home” by Michael Buble – in my life. The song is a lounge-worthy ballad that allows Elliott to display his beloved vocal gymnastic skills. Dude just sat on his stool, squeezed his eyes shut and worked his pipes. Kind of a serene performance, not chill-inspiring by any means, but decent enough for him to deserve a spot in next week’s show.

Paris Bennett

Song 1
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: sista’s got style. She sports a different look every week, and every week she looks great. I say “great” and not “hot,” for reasons explained below.

Paris gives a shout-out to Minnesota (finally!) by singing Prince’s “Kiss.” The sans funk beginning sounds a bit too karaoke, but Paris soon enough commands the spotlight. She gets on the catwalk table and gives it her sass-walk and throws in a shoulder swivel for effect. I’d admit a crush, but I’m not legally allowed after learning (via video clip) that she was born in 1988. 1988! She’s younger than the Twins first World Series rings, for crying out loud. And by “crying out loud,” I’m not referring to the common expression, but rather my reaction to that painful discovery. I feel dirty.

Song 2
Paris proves herself to be a junior Mary J. Blige by singing “Be Without You” by, well, Mary J. Blige. I don’t know that I love the song (it's kind of slow and herky-jerky), but Paris’s cover is every bit as good as the original. Could be on the radio tomorrow.

Chris Daughtry

Song 1
Hey, no vest this week. For that, I am thankful. Today Chris rocks an all black outfit, featuring an impressive super-sized soul patch. Chris’s rendition of Styx’s “Renegade” suits his M.O.; it’s a straight-up rocker, but not so fast that it overpowers the vocals. One particularly nice touch: the background singers joining in while he’s shrieking the refrain.

Song 2
Ah, the return of the Stalker Rocker. Welcome back, creep. Daughtry stands in the middle of the stage, completely still, staring into the camera like he’s got beef, his gaze saying that every one of us is going to pay dearly. I’ve never heard “I Dare You” before, but it’s some PG-rated, simplistic, heavy-handed “rock” song most likely approved by Scott Stapp. Please, Chris, stay away from songs like this in your future endeavors. We’re full up on faux-rockers.

Katharine McPhee

Song 1
In a move about as shocking as Elton John claiming to support gay marriage, McPheever chooses a dramatic, weepy ballad. Yawn. This time around it’s “Take a Look At Me Now.” Yes, the Phil Collins song. Oh, what a terrible song. The performance was decent, because Kat knows no worse, but Holy Moses, she’s been so much better. I choose to believe she was forced to sing that song because she lost a lost bet.

Song 2
Am I supposed to know “Black Horse and A Cherry Tree,” Kat’s second tune of the night? I’ll have to apologize then, because I do not. McPheever does some dry-hump floor dancing from her knees while she croons the drum-heavy bluesy pop song. The gyrations are so suggestive I wouldn’t be surprised if Tipper Gore burst into tears at first sight. The singing is, of course, excellent, and this time around she has an up-tempo track behind her to help the performance move. Let us all hope that’s a trend that continues.

Taylor Hicks

Song 1
Taylor has obviously gone off the deep end. I suppose it was only a matter of time. Hicksy sings “Play That Funky Music White Boy,” a choice so predictable it’s almost depressing. He jumps around like a coked-up spaz, ending the tune by flopping on the ground seizure-style.

The only logical reasoning behind such foolhardy antics: Taylor knows he’s about to be kicked off the show and he’s looking forward to his future career of playing wedding receptions for the rest of his life. To him, this week was just a national audition for future gigs. Say what you will, but at least Hicksy’s a realist.

Song 2
I briefly see red when I recognize the opening bars of “Something,” one of my favorite songs ever. But Taylor refrains from behaving like an escaped mental patient this go-round and actually turns in a strong showing. Singing a reverent cover with just a few subtle ups-and-downs, this performance is his best in at least a month. I still love his voice, but my guess is he’s headed home. If that is the case, I’ll blame his stubborn refusal to sing a Joe Cocker tune.

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