American idol 5 -- THE FINALE

By: B -- 5/25/06

A few brief thoughts on the finale of season 5's American Idol...

Because of extreme, heart-attack-inducing technical difficulties at the WoB Headquarters, your trusty recapster B was unable to view the first hour of the show's finale. I was finally able to tune in halfway through, and I'll say this: I'm willing to sit through hours upon hours of hokey stage singing if I'm rewarded with a Prince performance near the end. That was awesome.

Just before the results were announced, Prince made a surprise appearance on the Kodak Theatre stage, singing a Lolita/Satisfied medley from his recent 3121 album. He worked the stage like nobody's business, and in doing so probably deflated the confidence of each and every Idol finalist. "See, this is how real pop stars do it," he seemed to be telling the kids. "You want me to dance? Okay, check this out. I got a falsetto too, pitch-perfect; hear that? Yeah, that's easy for me. I can do it all day. Oh, what's that, you want me to bring the voice down an octave, go deep with it? Done and done. You kids don't belong in the same building as me." After the performance, when Seacrest went out to greet him, The Artist simply turned around and left the stage without even acknowledging his presence. No disrespect meant, Ryan, but he's Prince. He can do that.

And just when I thought the show ended on a high note with that Prince appearance (only five minutes left! I can get on with my life soon!), Taylor and Kat performed that "I've Had the Time of my Life" song to the crowd. While it was moderately funny to see Taylor look at Kat with the hopes they could exhibit some sort of eye-contact, we're-singing-to-each-other vibe, and seeing Kat steadfastly refuse to glance in his direction for more than a second, the performance on the whole was downright embarrassing. So bad, in fact, that I reacted as if I'd just walked in on my parents doing it. "Oh man, I did NOT just see that. Oh god, oh crap, my eyes are bleeeding, this is awful, that did not happen that did not happen that did not happen this is the worst day of my life please make the pain go away, make the memories disappear, oh please can we just pretend that never happened it didn't happen it didn't happen...." I imagine both finalists threw quite the temper tantrum when the producers announced they'd have to perform that song. Taylor probably did his somber old man head-shake while Kat wailed like a siren and ran to her dressing room. No one should be forced to sing that song on national television. No one.

Oh, and by the way: Taylor Hicks won. He probably needed the victory more than Katharine anyway, so, uh, congratulations Taylor. Please, though, stop impersonating Jamie Foxx impersonating Ray Charles with that sideways leaning self-hug thing. We all laugh at you when you do that.

And with that final snarky comment, season 5 is officially complete. I hope you readers enjoyed my recaps, and I hope you come back to visit often. Good night, and good luck.

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