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By: B -- 3/1/06
Taylor Hicks
Taylor kicks off his performance of “Easy Like Sunday Morning” by energetically asking the crowd to stand up! They comply, but given the meandering song beginning, probably soon started asking others, “can we all agree to sit back down now? This was not what I expected. Please. Let’s just sit.” The song plods along like a Walkman running out of batteries. The voice is still there though, as is the passion.
America continues to wait for Taylor to sing a Joe Cocker song.
Elliott Yamin
Still ugly. However, thanks to a pre-performance shot of Elliott’s mother, at least we now have someone to blame. Is that a silver lining? Either way. Yikes.
What truly matters, though, is Elliott’s performance. He sings “In The Mood For Love” for some reason. The tune is woefully short on melody (therefore no fun), but the difficult vocal arrangement highlights what may actually be the best voice in the dude pool. Elliott continues to channel my boy Stevie. Needs to stay in this competition, even if it requires the viewers to adjust the contrast to “dark” on their tellys.
Ace Young
Why, Ace? Why, when you have most of America eating out the palm of your hand, did you choose to sing “If I’m Not Made For You”? Seriously, a Daniel Bedingfield song? No fucking way. How dumb are you? Did you choose an irrelevant ballad solely to showcase your falsetto voice? Or were you getting sick of having hundreds of willing chicks to choose from every night?
Welcome back to Earth. I guess.
Gideon McKinney
Sam Cooke is the man. The man, I tell you. I will entertain no arguments on that point. Gideon does right in choosing Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come,” and the performance is enjoyable in that it shows off his old-man-singing-soul-in-church tone, but like last week I keep waiting for him to step it up an extra gear that never arrives. We’ve seen Gideon’s ceiling. He’s running on song selection at this point, which should grant him a few extra weeks.
Kevin Covais
Lil’ Kev’s having fun tonight! Yay Kevin! We’re all so proud of you!!
The truth: if I heard Kevin repeating his rendition of “Heard It Through the Grapevine” at a karaoke bar, I probably wouldn’t even pause my convo to listen. Such a pedestrian performance.
Of course, the patronizing fools on the show love him. Buncha morons.
Sway
Asian Cuba decides on “Overjoyed” by Stevie Wonder. Sway’s got one of those tones that are so high, I end up watching the entire performance wearing an “oh god oh god, this might get ugly” wince. I keep waiting for his voice to go through a puberty crack like mine used to/still does, and even though it doesn’t, Sway’s voice quivers and shakes until the conclusion. Not pretty.
Will Makar
One thing we learn tonight: Fred Savage Jr. looks up to, um, Justin Guarini? Now that’s just sad. The only album that sold less than Guarini’s debut was “Stephen Hawking Sings the Hits.”
If that isn’t bad enough, Fred decides to sing Kenny Rogers’ “Lady.” No, that is not a typo. I audibly laugh through the entire performance.
On the flip side, Will totally redeems himself by joining in with Simon to poke fun at Ryan Seacrest’s transparent sexuality issues. You’d think it’d suck to be teased by a Brit and a teenager, but Tiny just shrugs it off. Eventually, you just get used to it. Hilarious.
Bucky Covington
His Blue Collar Comedy Tour accent is mind-gratingly annoying, but to be fair, at least he drops the sandpapery singing effect he’d employed the previous week. His “The Thunder Rolls” is Chris Gaines bad. And that’s saying a lot.
David Radford
After Rad’s rendition of Old Blue Eyes’ “The Way You Look Tonight,” I actually begin hoping he releases a CD someday. He would be a fantastic cure for insomnia. Ba-dum-bum-CHA. Feel free to use that one and claim it as your own. My gift to you, loyal reader(s).
(Aside: the end-of-the-show ten second recap of the entire night’s performances is reminiscent of the “one of these things does not belong” skits when David’s performance is played next to his cohorts. That can’t be a good thing for Davey.)
Chris Daughtry
Chris (father of two teenaged children? Whaa?) is the first true rocker in Idol history, far as I’m concerned. Bo Bice was more of a southern boy; Chris wants to rip out your motherfucking heart. I actually get chills (for the second week in a row) as Chris rips into Fuel’s “Hemorrhage.”
Fuel blows. Chris does not. Current frontrunner. My boy.
Tonight’s best performances: (1) Chris Daughtry, (2) Elliott Yamin, (3) Gideon McKinney.
Two most deserving of going home: (1) David Radford, (2) Kevin Covais.
TAKE ME TO THE TOP
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