World of B

Someone should print this on a shirt and give it to me for my birthday.

(Source)

Sorry to keep harping on this, but ESPN’s Gregg Easterbrook chimed in this week with another flawed argument against the NFL’s proposal to add two games to its schedule.

As I argued before,  citing safety concerns as a reason for not wanting the expansion is missing the point that playing fewer games doesn’t make the game any safer. It simply minimizes risks, which is closer to ignoring the problem than solving it. Is that not obvious?

It’s frustrating to hear smart people (smarter than me, at least) take this POV, seeing as how it’s so flawed. Take Easterbrook, for example:

18 regular-season games? No thanks.

Sixteen games is plenty for players’ bodies and for spectator interest. Add more, and each individual game will mean less. That’s diluting the product — like pouring water into a bottle of scotch then claiming the taste, and the price, should still be the same.

The runaway winner for worst analogy of the week. If you want to use scotch as an example, playing 18 games would be like giving you more scotch, which you think is dumb because the amount you have now is “plenty.” Fine by me if you’re so easily satiated, but what if some sponge-tongues really love scotch and want more of it? I suggest you just admit you are against this idea because it signifies change, and as a relatively old man you are bound by law to be terrified of change.

A bit off-topic, but noteworthy:

In the current format, by the time there are six games remaining, it’s hard to care about clubs that are eliminated: In 2009, late-season Rams and Lions games were excruciating. Imagine if this point were reached with eight games remaining! Plus an 18-game season would mean either starting the NFL regular season before Labor Day or holding the Super Bowl after Valentine’s Day.

Yes, Gregg, 6+2=8. Thank you for pointing that out. And playing 18 games will take longer than playing 16. Fine points all around.

In turn, with fewer preseason games, injuries should decline, improving the quality of the product in the meaningful games, the ones that count in the standings. Trying to glut the market with 18 games would, by contrast, decrease the value of the NFL, while increasing injuries because starters will play more. At the end of an 18-game season, more well-known players are likely to be out for the postseason with injuries. That, too, will dilute the product.

Ugh. We had an asbestos problem in our home, but we solved the problem by spending less time indoors.

It’s September now, which means fall has (unofficially) arrived. This leads me a an oft-presented question for my conversation mates: what season is better, spring or fall?

I submit that fall is vastly superior to spring. Fall is the best. Most disagree with me on this point, so let us review the pros and cons of each season before we all collectively decide that I was right in the first place.

Fall

By far the best season for sports, with playoff baseball and pro football both happening at the same time, in addition to college football and the related tailgating sessions. The weather is typically dry and, while a bit cooler, very amenable to outdoor activities (such as tailgating, which needs to be mentioned twice). Happy hours and golfing can be enjoyed without an abundance of ass sweat.

Plus, wedding season is mostly over, giving us young’uns free time to do whatever we damn well please. Great weather, less busy, plenty of free time activities … what is there to not love about fall? My favorite season by far.

Spring

Spring, on the other hand, while obviously less offensive than winter, is the most overrated of seasons. It’s rainy and colder than you remember, and you refuse to learn your lesson from the prior year, so you spend two months shivering in short sleeves and praying for a break in the clouds. Sports are insignificant with the exception of about six days in March, movies still suck, no bands come to Minnesota. Streets and yards are covered in brown slush for two months straight. The only good times you’ll have the entire season is leaving the state for Spring Break, which you shouldn’t really be doing at your age, you creep.

Sure, it’s nice to crack a window for the first time in months, and I love the sound of melting snow falling into storm drains as much as the next person, but that isn’t enough to make the rest of spring enjoyable. Let’s face it: spring is only fun in our minds.

Even in the face of all this rock-solid evidence, many people I’ve interviewed for this story (by “interviewed” I mean “drunkenly accosted”) still chose spring. Their reasoning was uniform: because spring signifies that summer is on its way. During the fall, people just think of winter lurking ’round the corner. Ergo, spring is a happier time.

Here is what I suggest we keep in mind: winter is not fall’s fault. We all agree that winter is a ruthless bitch that exists solely to teach us how to collectively question the existence and/or intentions of god. No argument there. We agree, summer > winter. But that is not the issue.

Let’s try to look past that, to ignore the two other seasons and focus solely on the issue at hand. And if we can do that, I predict we can agree that fall wins in a landslide.

Check out this nifty chart from the Wall Street Journal. With a few exceptions, almost every President since Truman has seen his approval ratings tumble during the first two years of office. Obama may be remembered as a great president, or an abysmal one, but his performance thus far is pretty standard as far as public approval goes.

Oh, forgot to mention at the start of this post: this is a boring, pointless observation that no one cares about. Sorry ’bout that.

{+} This week’s long read: What Broke My Father’s Heart, about medical science and its complicated relationship with quality of life, is one of my very favorite pieces. Heartfelt and informative.

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{+} I love this idea: a 21-year-old tried to fake his identity to play on the junior high football team. I mean, I understand trying to sneak back into junior high on account of the chicks, but just for a dumb sport? Some people make no sense.

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{+} You’ve seen it everywhere else today, but Arcade Fire’s video for “We Used to Wait” that uses Google technology to personalize the experience for each user’s hometown is damn impressive.

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{+} Current favorite song: Donkeyboy’s “Ambition,” a synthy pop tune that sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of a Molly Ringwald-fronted 80s teen flick. Listen up:

I realize I have as much chance of finding full-time employment playing butt quarters as I do changing anyone’s mind on gay marriage, but this video is all kinds of awesome.

In honor of Will Forte announcing his resignation from SNL, let’s all watch the “Lettuce” skit again.

Journalist edition. Esquire’s Politics blog rips Daily Telegraph “journalist” Nick Allen a new one over his bullshit fabrication of the “death panels,” which would have been an interesting political debate provided guys of Allen’s ilk would have stepped aside and let the ethical folks handle it. But, alas, he (and others) riled up the vulnerable populace and ruined it for everyone.

I wish serious bad karma and professional misfortune upon this man.

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Ignorance edition. Do yourself a favor and check out this kick-ass, angry political screed.

Money quote: “Truth is being tossed aside for ratings and the end result is a slow legitimization of the idiotic.” (Nothing new, but well stated.) Not sure if it’s possible to both call out the willfully ignorant while simultaneously not paying them any attention, but it’s a great article.

Either way, my new mantra: policy disagreements are OK, ignorance is not.

Here is a fun debate to have at your next party: do you favor the forced retirement age to go up (since the 65-year-olds of today are presumably much healthier both physically and mentally than the 65-year-olds of yesteryear) or down (forcing the old folks out to make room for the young up-and-comers, which will help aid in innovation as well as spur the employment rates)?

Oh, by “fun” I mean “boring,” and by “party” I mean “formal gathering with pseudo-intellectuals providing there is absolutely nothing else to talk about.” Anyway, YOU’RE WELCOME.

I mentioned recently my annoyance of so-called “solutions” that are nothing more than minimizing or covering up the actual problem. Plugging rather than stopping a leak, that sort of thing. Such issues abound.

One perfect recent example is the proposed 18-game NFL schedule, which has near-uniform support from the owners and will be broached in the upcoming labor discussions with the players union. The reason is obvious. More games = more money.

The players, on the other hand, are staunchly opposed to the idea, claiming it will make a long season even more arduous and drastically increase the chances of injury.

To me, this makes no sense. If there is an argument to be made about the NFL being too violent — which it definitely is, and anyone who claims otherwise is cruel, delusional or just not paying attention — it should be made separate to the discussion of the longer schedule. Length of the season and safety of a sport are related, obviously, but not so intertwined that they should be discussed simultaneously. To do so is practicing some short-sighted flawed logic.

Put simpler: if safety is an issue, it should be an issue no matter the number of games.

Here’s the thing: a longer season makes sense business-wise, not to mention increasing entertainment value, which means it will probably happen. Instead of opposing that specific aspect, the players union needs to start looking at solutions to the actual issue. Changing special teams rules (I actually favor removing kickoffs/punts altogether), improving the equipment, larger fines for unnecessary hits … these are all ideas that broach the actual issue at hand. Asking to please not add more games to the schedule is not.

Well, this is just the greatest cause in the history of mankind: there is an organization called Go Topless that is devoted to the cause of allowing women to go topless in public.

Yes, this appears legit.

Allow me to paste and respond to two quotes, and after that I’ll leave you alone to continue chuckling and/or fantasizing, depending on your gender and maturity level.

#1: “It’s a matter of fairness. We want equal topless rights for all or none.”

OK! Sounds OK to me. However, in the interest of quality of life and the supposition that all humans value at least some semblance of personal attraction, might I propose a cross-gender limit on those allowed to go topless? Say, 210 pounds or so?

#2: “Guys are great. They understand this issue, and we get lots of cooperation from males.”

No shit.

{+} Before you continue bitching incessantly about the traffic or the watered-down coffee at your work or how the Loud Chewer in the cube next to yours brought grape nuts again for breakfast, please do your best to keep in mind that there are 33 people that have been stuck in a goddamn mine for over two weeks, and likely will be there for four more months.

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{+} NY Mag’s Edith Zimmerman was spot on when she suggested you grab a tissue before watching this amazing video from an old NPR segment. Even someone with a heart as black as mine enjoyed it, which makes me reasonably certain you will as well.

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{+} As mentioned last week, I’ve been working my way through this list of classic magazine articles. Today’s recommendation: “Trouble in Paradise,” a 2008 Vanity Fair feature about Pitcairn Island.

Have you heard of Pitcairn Island? Good god. I tried to recap this story to a couple friends last weekend and it turned into like a 45-minute story complete with yelling and Costanza-as-Coco-the-Monkey animated motions. (Pro-tip: never discuss Pitcairn whilst drunk.)

Let’s all have a listen at our new favorite tune and hands-down winner of Song of the Summer, Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You.” Its dance-y Motown vibe and singalong lyrics make it a sure-fire promise to be loved by most, even though its addictive catchiness basically guarantees it will be massively played-out within, oh, let’s say two weeks or so.

But right now, at this moment, there is no better song on the planet. Don’t think I’m exaggerating when I tell you I’ve listened to it at least 40 times the past few days. It’s my new anthem.

Dibs on the karaoke version.

(For mp3s, go here.)

I am the one on the right.

{+} Just in case there are any Twins fans out there who haven’t seen Nick Punto scream his love for Jim Thome after Tuesday’s walk-off, here is the video. The proclamation begins around the :41 mark.

Whether it’s hustling down the line or telling a teammate how much he loves him, Nick Punto gives a 110%.

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{+} Love this quote from Keith Ellison after Tim Pawlenty went on Fox to rip Obama for a thing that Bush did: “I know he wants to be president really bad. I know he’s trying to appeal to the most extreme elements of his party to do that, but I hope he doesn’t want to be president so bad that he’s willing to dishonor the First Amendment and our heritage of religious tolerance.”

Can it be said better than that? No, I don’t believe it can.

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{+} Kevin Trudeau’s bizarre behavior is really hilarious, provided you can forget that he is almost definitely mentally ill. (He is, however, a criminal, so don’t feel too bad laughing at the schmuck.)