Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

The Breakdown: Godspeed, Johan

breakdown-pic.jpgDespite all the goings-on in the world right now — the presidential campaigning, the Super Bowl, the writers strike, female celebrities’ ongoing underwear boycott and more — the only thing on the minds of many of us Minnesotans is today’s trade of Johan Santana. The best pitcher in baseball, not to mention the best in Twins history, is gone. For now, that is all that matters.

As for my thoughts on the trade, I’ll admit upfront that I know very little of the Mets prospects dealt to the Twins. Initial thinking is that they’re four of the top seven prospects in the Mets organization; each guy is young and each has delivered above-average minor league seasons thus far. Chances are at least a couple of them will be solid players someday. But that’s the extent of my knowledge. So, all you’re getting from me now is a gut reaction.

I don’t like it. I don’t like this trade for the same reason Santana rightfully expressed his displeasure in the team’s organization last season: because the Twins are always playing for the future. They seemingly refuse to play for today, and I don’t seen an end to that trend.

As disheartening as it sounds, my main worry is when one of these prospects turns into something special, the Twins will go ahead and trade him away for yet more prospects. And so on it will go, where we play with the hopes of maybe, possibly, if all goes right, fingers crossed, we could someday hopefully find a way to sneak into the playoffs. I’d love to think that one of these years, the Twins will hold on to their studs and take a strong two- or three-year run at the Series. But if not this season, with this pitcher, then when? When will the management stop trading the all-stars away and actually make a push?

As far as the general population’s reaction to the trade, I’m betting most optimists will point to the past Twins star-for-prospects trades and suggest being patient. They’ll reference the players we got in return that panned out and became something special. Normally, I’d agree. Unloading one talented guy when the team isn’t going anywhere to begin with is the logical move. That’s why we lost Knoblauch, and Aguilera, and Viola before him, and probably countless others I’m forgetting. Those moves were inevitable.

But this time around, the Twins don’t need to be in rebuilding mode. They’ve got a competitive squad set to take the field in ’08, and were just a couple shrewd free agent signings away from having just as good a chance as anyone to win it all. But now, by losing the best pitcher in the game in exchange for four unproven prospects, that potential is gone. We’re back to square one, starting over with a few established stars, a couple over-the-hill vets and a plethora of youngsters.

 

Just like in the past, we’re playing for the future. It’s deja vu all over again.

The only news that matters

thisisme.jpgI’m exhausted; been a long week. I don’t have a whole lot to write about today, which works out nicely because nothing I could write would matter as much as the recently released Mitchell Report.

Say what you want about its validity, or its original intentions, or how baseball is boring to begin with (dick), but, for better or worse, the fact remains that this bit of news has changed the face of America’s Pastime forever. And in historic times like these, I feel confident in saying the best source to turn to if you’re hoping to get a pulse on America’s reaction is … the comments section from a sports blog within a post containing the rumored names, most of which ended up being incorrect. A few of my favorite comments:

BY LENOCEUR AT 11:22 AM
Not Paxton Crawford! Why, Paxton, why?

*

BY LUOL DANG AT 11:22 AM
Rich Garces! Our innocence is officially lost.

*

BY MITCHKAYAK AT 11:22 AM
Mark Prior was using them wrong.

*

BY SHE BLINDED ME WITH VIOLENCE AT 11:23 AM
Somebody get Ken Caminiti on the phone! I demand to hear a former N.L. MVP’s explanation for such shenanigans!

*

BY HUSTLER OF CULTURE AT 11:24 AM
Carl Everett believes in steriods because he has seen them

*

BY ‘SUSS–’ AT 11:25 AM
Darryl Kile, if you’re innocent of these allegations, speak up now.

*

BY UPSTATE UNDERDOG AT 11:27 AM
Belle, Bradley, Everett, Offerman, Rocker on the list further proving HGH and steroids will make you crazy.

*

BY MR. POON AT 11:28 AM
In Rich Garces’s defense, he didn’t know that guy he ate happened to be on the juice.

*

BY CHAMOMILES DAVIS AT 11:29 AM
Let’s not forget about Fanny Alexander, who tested positive for existentialism.

*

BY GET HIM A BODY BAG, YEAH! AT 11:33 AM
Julian Tavarez? I knew steroids shrunk your balls, but I didn’t know they made you look like someone put out a fire on your face with a screwdriver.

*****

So, I admit, most of those comments are probably only funny to me. In any event, have a good weekend, friends and stalkers all.

Review: “Best of This Is SportsCenter”

A voiceover quote from the show:

“When we say we live and breathe sports, we mean it literally.”

No, you don’t. You mean ‘figuratively.’ You cannot physically inhale sports. Sorry, but that was just stupid.

Beyond that, great show, ESPN. Dan Patrick and Kenny Mayne still slay me.

Rooting for the Pats by rooting against the ’72 Dolphins

Mercury Morris is the #1 reason I am rooting for the New England Patriots to go undefeated this season (following closely by Don Shula’s request for an asterisk on the Pats’ win-loss record, followed by every other pathetic member of the undefeated ‘Phins squad and their whining ways). We, as a society, really, really need these clowns to go away. Check out this video of poor old Merc on SportsCenter last night, desperately trying to remain relevant, desperately clinging to an achievement that occurred 35 years ago, not realizing that everyone on the planet is laughing at him. Aggressively. It’s impossible not to; this man is hilarious.

After Morris finished up his “rap,” he immediately retired to his front porch where he yelled at invisible children to stay off his lawn and preached to no one in particular about how cell phones are the demise of this once-great nation.

[youtube]GLKhQTbOMDE[/youtube]

Let me link you up and down: sports edition

maddenfavre.jpg(Warning: most of these stories are outdated by about a week. Sorry. Also: heavy on snark. Let us blame the percoset for that one, mkay?)

1. Fire Joe Morgan has a great response to a trade proposed by Pioneer Press columnist and unrivaled baseball genius Bob Sansevere. Man, I wonder what it must be like to be a veteran journalist, a beat writer with dozens of years of experience, and still have no clue about how baseball transactions. Today is the day I’ve given up on Sanny.

2. The best part about this (rather boring) extended feature on Bo Jackson and what he’s up to these days? It reminded me of this crazy Tecmo Super Bowl run in which video Bo takes up an entire quarter making a 99-yard run.

3. Anyone who used to listen to KQ92′s morning show (you’re not still listening, are you?) will fondly remember Leroy the Angry Southerner, and will probably wonder what ever happened to him. Well, wonder no more. He’s living in Dallas, videotaping an argument about coach Bob Knight shooting at his property. If my boys have to come down there, someone’s ass is gon’ get whooped.

4. Sports Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year” award goes to … the fifth best quarterback in the NFL! And lest you think the award is only about on-field efforts, here is another reason this blowhard won the coveted award: “Favre has matured before our eyes while never losing his boyish love for the game.” See folks, not only is he still an above-average QB in the league, but he actually enjoys it. Today is the day I’ve given up on Sports Illustrated.

The breakdown: Young for Garza

breakdown-pic.jpgThe recent trade between the Twins and the Rays (who removed the ‘Devil’ from their nickname this offseason? And I don’t know why?) has been discussed, broken down and analyzed up one side and down the other already, so chances are I won’t be able to add much substance to the conversation. With that said…

My knee-jerk reaction to the Garza-Young* trade? I wasn’t overly excited. My feeling is you never, ever trade a young pitcher with ace-worthy talent. Garza is that type of pitcher. With mid-90s velocity, a knee-buckling curveball and a near-unhittable minor league career, it’s damn easy to imagine him being a top-of-the-rotation stud for years to come. Players like this don’t come around too often, and I’m not a fan of giving them up.

But at this juncture, given the Twins’ situation and recent offensive woes, it was high time for a move like this to be made. The time to finally give up one of our many promising young arms for a promising young hitter. The time to do something, anything, to change up the roster and fuss with the look of the hometown nine.

So, finally, I’m excited about the trade. Delmon Young could be a force someday. He could join Mauer and Morneau to make a deadly heart of the order; best in the league, perhaps. And that’s exciting. The potential of Young, and the resultant enthusiasm for the future of this organization, ended up being enough to justify sacrificing a future stud like Garza.

Which leads me to my favorite part of the trade, however intangible it may be: here we are, discussing, breaking down and analyzing trades by the Minnesota Twins up one side and down the other … in early December. Tell me the last time that happened. Really liking Billy Smith thus far.

* I’m focusing on Garza and Young because the other four players in the deal seemed a relative wash. Bartlett plays better defense but Harris is the better hitter, Pridie plays a position we need but Morlan is the superior prospect, etc. None of them are proven stars; none of them are probable duds. We shall see.

Let’s all hump Adrian Peterson some more

Have you seen any footage of the Purple Jesus in his formative years? It’s a jaw-dropping, pants-tightening, duct-tape-my-wang-to-my-leg video, that’s for sure (or maybe I’m being dramatic).

Clip below. I recommend you mute the death metal soundtrack blaring during the video and instead play something a little more appropriate. Like, say, Barry White’s “You’re My First, My Last, My Everything” for instance. That just feels right.

My man-crush on Peterson may be a bit disturbing.

[youtube]RWiuB51AP6Q[/youtube]

The Breakdown: Christ Almighty, let there be more moves on the way

breakdown-pic.jpgIt has been four years since this blog was birthed (to the day, thank you very much — *grand bow to an empty party room*), and though I still don’t know what it has focused on, I do know one thing it hasn’t: the Minnesota Twins. Mentions have been rare, no doubt about that.

Which seems odd, because I’m a dyed-in-the-wool superfan of both the Twins and the sport they play. But the fact is, there are already so many quality resources devoted to Twins coverage, I’ve never really felt the need to chime in.

But I’ve decided that that’s about to change. Starting today, and continuing for the unforeseen future (or, as you regular readers can attest, possibly never again) I’ve decided to add my two pennies to all news Twins-related.

Subject #1: the trade for Craig Keystone Monroe.

First off, let me be the first – that’s not true, actually probably closer to the last – to mention how bummed I am that this even qualifies as big news in the Twins community. Monroe is at best a 4th outfielder on any team, yet with the relative inactivity of the hometown nine management in recent years, this does, sadly, count as “news.” So let’s review.

Monroe is a free-swinging power hitter with a penchant for strikeouts and apparent dislike for walks. He had a few good seasons for the Detroit Tigers (’04-’06) but struggled mightily in ’07. Nevertheless, at 30 he’s probably not considered over-the-hill just yet, and if you can forgive one poor season in light of other, relatively better ones (I can), he’s not absolutely worthless. Not in the least.

In fact, if you consider him to be a potential platoon player alongside Jason Kubel in left field (and you should), the pick-up of Monroe has a decent amount of upside. A quick review of the right-handed/left-handed splits of both players:

MONROE (’05-’07): .813 OPS vs. lhp / .714 vs. rhp

KUBEL (’07): .666 vs. lhp / .810 vs rhp

Not bad for a platoon situation. Used correctly, you’d be looking at a combined OPS in the low .800s. A few players in 2007 who put up a similar OPS: Bobby Abreu, Jose Guillen, J.D. Drew and Jermaine Dye. Which is fairly promising company (and actually a bit higher than Michael Cuddyer’s .790).

Now, the three big cons.

1. No one knows how Monroe is going to perform here. It’s entirely reasonable to think a decent hitter can return to form after a one-season slide, but after being burned by free agent busts RonDL White and Jeff Cirillo recently, I wouldn’t exactly count on hitting coach Joe Vavra as some sort of miracle-worker. Monroe ain’t no sure thing.

2. Ron Gardenhire probably can’t even spell “platoon,” let alone enact an effective one. While Monroe could likely be an asset while facing southpaw-only pitching on a team in dire need of a few long balls, chances are Gardenhire will overuse Monroe (due to his man-love of veterans and inability to read any statistic beyond batting average and his make-believe stat called “grit” or some such other bullshit that allows him to justify Nick Punto’s presence in the lineup) and instead put him in situations where he’ll likely fail. Namely: in the lineup against righties, and in a spot in the batting order where his high strikeout penchant will hurt him.

3. No matter if he performs well or not, Craig Monroe is not the answer. He isn’t the answer to our power struggles (yes, I use “our” from time to time) and he isn’t the answer to our gaping hole in the middle of the order. Monroe has potential to be a decent low-risk, occasional-use signing, but not as The Man. And knowing all too well the white-knuckled purse-string clutching from Old Man Pohlad, who knows if they’ve got any big moves planned.

***

This concludes my inaugural, hardly scientific analysis on the Twins’ first significant move in shaping the roster for the 2008 squad. If Monroe can perform up to his presumed ability, and if Gardenhire learns how to use him effectively, and if there are bigger moves on the horizon, I’m on board.

Well, this is the greatest thing ever

Not only is this play every brand of miraculous known to man, but the announcing from the play-by-play man is incredible as well. Someone get that fella network job.

Never seen anything quite like this. Trinity College: you are the balls.

[youtube]uBcKt0ZomNE[/youtube]

What the world needs now…

…is not love, sweet love, though I can understand why you’d think that. No, what the world really needs is some better YouTube content featuring the drunken and/or idiotic antics from the great Harry Caray. Have you seen the paltry offerings on the site? Mostly a bunch of dated ’80s commercials and impersonations by Will Ferrell. Both of which are pleasant, and help pass the time and whatnot, but where’s all the insane stuff? The legendary slurred nonsense we’ve heard so much about?
What about the time Harry reportedly yelled “Cubs win!” before being told it was actually just the end of the 8th inning? Didn’t I hear something about him screaming of back-to-back homers before realizing he’d just watched a replay of the first home run? I hope I didn’t just make this stuff up for a laugh and then somehow convinced myself it was true (been known to happen). How about his odd affinity for trying to pronounce names backwards? Did that ever happen? Come on, Cubs fans: climb into the attic and dust off the old videotapes, convert them to digital and get to uploading. The world waits, all stocked up on love and eagerly anticipating some good old jackassing around from our pal Harry Caray.
Because the video below should not be the best representative of the man’s storied mythology. This cannot stand, man.
[youtube]GCNO7P47Rs8[/youtube]

Pop (Culture) Quiz: sports fun for non-sports fans

dumbathletes1.jpgThe questions in this round of “The Pop (Culture) Quiz” are devoted to the bizarre, dumb, mostly harmless and undeniably hilarious behavior of professional athletes. I’m not sure what this says about me and my place in life, but as far as the subject of sports goes, these are a few of my favorite things. God bless these lovable jackasses for keeping the sporting world so endlessly entertaining.And before you ask – because you probably will ask – yes, these tales are all 100% true. Verified them myself.

* Note: readers of Deadspin and other sports blogs will probably know most of these answers.

1. What athlete used the pseudonym “Ron Mexico” when picking up his genital herpes medication?

2. What basketball star yells “Hibachi!” during games when he’s shooting the ball well?

3. What former North Star got arrested for retrieving his newspaper naked from the waist down?

4. What former star pitcher did a guest interview during a baseball game while completely hammered, claiming that George clooney was over in Iraq “trying to solve that thing”?

5. What NFL running back has shown up to press conferences in costumes representing fictional characters he made up with names such as “Coach Janky Spanky” and “Dolemite Jenkins”?

6. What relief pitcher claims to have developed a pitch called “The Slutter”?

7. What former pitcher had a cameo in the film “Shallow Hal”?

8. What current outfielder has been seen wearing mp3-wearing sunglasses during a game?

9. What hockey goalie once offered the Dallas police one billion dollars to release him without arrest?

10. What former Minnesota TWin had to sit out a few games due to falling asleep in a tanning bed?

The slow realization: Derek Jeter is not a god

jeter.jpgThree recent stories have helped to confirm my long-standing assertion that Derek Jeter is a vastly overrated player. Let’s walk through these step-by-step:

#1: Aaron Gleeman points out that Jeter’s lifetime offensive numbers are nearly identical to Joe Mauer’s. Why is there such a discrepancy in their perceived value? Who knows.

#2: Josh Alper @ The Fanhouse compares Jeter’s postgame quotes to that of his purple-lipped infield mate, and wonders why everyone is so quick to jump on A-Rod as the uncaring, selfish player. I don’t get that either.

#3: This last one comes courtesy former Minnesotan Jim Caple on Page 2:

Player A has a career postseason OPS of .846. Player B has a career postseason OPS of .844. Since 2000, Player A has hit .211 or less in a third of his postseason series. Since 2000, Player B has hit .200 or less in not quite a third of his postseason series. Since 2000, Player A has batted above or near his career average in just over half (nine of 15) his postseason series. Since 2000, Player B has batted above his career average in just under half his postseason series.

Player A hit .176 during the most recent series, drove in one run and grounded into a rally-killing double play late in the final loss. Player B hit .267, drove in one run and homered in the last game.

And just who are Players A and B? Why Derek (Mr. October) Jeter and Alex (The Great Pumpkin) Rodriguez, of course. Surprised any of their postseason stats could possibly look so similar? You would be if you listened to the New York media, which thinks Jeter can do no wrong and A-Rod can simply do nothing.

I know, I know. You can make statistics say anything you want. And they never tell the whole truth anyway. Where, after all, is Jeter’s amazing flip to home? (It’s hidden in his assists total for the 2001 Division Series.) Or his walkoff home run as the clock passed midnight and October turned to November in 2001? (It’s among his 17 postseason home runs.) And, as Yankees fans would insist, where are his four World Series rings?

Yes, Jeter has proven himself under pressure. But this notion that Jeter is always Captain Clutch and A-Rod is always Charlie Brown simply isn’t true. Jeter has played in a lot of postseasons, and if you play in that many, you’re bound to have some stinkers along with the great ones. And he has (including this most recent). Just as A-Rod has had some big series as well, including — gasp! — with the Yankees (2004 when he hit .421 in the Division Series and had a higher average, on-base percentage, OPS, more runs, more home runs and as many RBIs as Jeter in the ALCS).

You can blame A-Rod for having another disappointing October in the Bronx. Just remember, he’s had company.

This much is clear: Jeter is overrated, and not clutch in any way. He’s simply a great ballplayer who’s happened to have had a few great moments on the national stage. Not a legend, not a hero. I wonder if it’s difficult for the media to type while simultaneously juggling his nuts?

The aftermath: the Twins (and yet another way they let me down this season)

twinslogo.jpgA few readers will remember when, back in April, my then-roommate Spoon and I set over/unders on the predicted stats of the 2007 Minnesota Twins. After agreeing upon the lines, we had a draft to select our bets and put $5 per on the results. The final tallies are below. And before you ask: yes, I fully realize you don’t give a shit about this. But I vowed to publicly post the results if I lost, and as you’ll see, I got spanked pretty good. Guess I’m not a genius.

Let us never speak of this again.

HITTERS

Luis Castillo: .300 (over: Spoon)

Little Nicky Punto: .260 (under: B)

Baby Jesus Mauer: .335 (under: Spoon)

Cuddy Bear: .290 (under: B)

Big J Morneau: .310 (under: Spoon)

T-Nuts Hunter: .270 (over: B)

J Kubes: .275 (under: Spoon)

Rondell White: .260 (under: Spoon)

Jay Bartlett: .290 (under: B)

PITCHERS

Johan Cytana: 2.85 (over: Spoon)

BOOF: 4.50 (over: Spoon)

Ramon Ortiz: 5.00 (over: B)

Carlos Silva: 5.00 (under: Spoon)

Sids Ponson: 5.00 (over: Spoon)

Matty Garza: 4.50 (under: B)

Pat Neshek: 2.50 (over: Spoon)

Joe Nathan: 2.00 (under: Spoon)

Hell about to freeze over: postgame tirade actually makes sense

Best story of the day: first, The Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson penned this (probably) unfair, unsubstantiated article about OSU quarterback Bobby Reid and the supposed reason for his recent benching. Then, OSU head coach Mike Gundy followed up with a new-asshole-ripping rant of the highest order:

[youtube]5VytIZZzee0[/youtube]

God, that’s good. I just hope this story gets made into a movie so Al Pacino can deliver this speech on the big screen.

It’s just a shame the audio didn’t pick up Carlson, just off camera, furiously trying to dig a hole through the floor to climb in to. I almost feel bad for her, but on the other hand no I do not.

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