World of B

Despite all the goings-on in the world right now — the presidential campaigning, the Super Bowl, the writers strike, female celebrities’ ongoing underwear boycott and more — the only thing on the minds of many of us Minnesotans is today’s trade of Johan Santana. The best pitcher in baseball, not to mention the best in Twins history, is gone. For now, that is all that matters.

As for my thoughts on the trade, I’ll admit upfront that I know very little of the Mets prospects dealt to the Twins. Initial thinking is that they’re four of the top seven prospects in the Mets organization; each guy is young and each has delivered above-average minor league seasons thus far. Chances are at least a couple of them will be solid players someday. But that’s the extent of my knowledge. So, all you’re getting from me now is a gut reaction.

I don’t like it. I don’t like this trade for the same reason Santana rightfully expressed his displeasure in the team’s organization last season: because the Twins are always playing for the future. They seemingly refuse to play for today, and I don’t seen an end to that trend.

As disheartening as it sounds, my main worry is when one of these prospects turns into something special, the Twins will go ahead and trade him away for yet more prospects. And so on it will go, where we play with the hopes of maybe, possibly, if all goes right, fingers crossed, we could someday hopefully find a way to sneak into the playoffs. I’d love to think that one of these years, the Twins will hold on to their studs and take a strong two- or three-year run at the Series. But if not this season, with this pitcher, then when? When will the management stop trading the all-stars away and actually make a push?

As far as the general population’s reaction to the trade, I’m betting most optimists will point to the past Twins star-for-prospects trades and suggest being patient. They’ll reference the players we got in return that panned out and became something special. Normally, I’d agree. Unloading one talented guy when the team isn’t going anywhere to begin with is the logical move. That’s why we lost Knoblauch, and Aguilera, and Viola before him, and probably countless others I’m forgetting. Those moves were inevitable.

But this time around, the Twins don’t need to be in rebuilding mode. They’ve got a competitive squad set to take the field in ’08, and were just a couple shrewd free agent signings away from having just as good a chance as anyone to win it all. But now, by losing the best pitcher in the game in exchange for four unproven prospects, that potential is gone. We’re back to square one, starting over with a few established stars, a couple over-the-hill vets and a plethora of youngsters.

Just like in the past, we’re playing for the future. It’s deja vu all over again.

I’m exhausted; been a long week. I don’t have a whole lot to write about today, which works out nicely because nothing I could write would matter as much as the recently released Mitchell Report.

Say what you want about its validity, or its original intentions, or how baseball is boring to begin with (dick), but, for better or worse, the fact remains that this bit of news has changed the face of America’s Pastime forever. And in historic times like these, I feel confident in saying the best source to turn to if you’re hoping to get a pulse on America’s reaction is … the comments section from a sports blog within a post containing the rumored names, most of which ended up being incorrect. A few of my favorite comments:

BY LENOCEUR AT 11:22 AM
Not Paxton Crawford! Why, Paxton, why?

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BY LUOL DANG AT 11:22 AM
Rich Garces! Our innocence is officially lost.

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BY MITCHKAYAK AT 11:22 AM
Mark Prior was using them wrong.

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BY SHE BLINDED ME WITH VIOLENCE AT 11:23 AM
Somebody get Ken Caminiti on the phone! I demand to hear a former N.L. MVP’s explanation for such shenanigans!

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BY HUSTLER OF CULTURE AT 11:24 AM
Carl Everett believes in steriods because he has seen them

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BY ‘SUSS–’ AT 11:25 AM
Darryl Kile, if you’re innocent of these allegations, speak up now.

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BY UPSTATE UNDERDOG AT 11:27 AM
Belle, Bradley, Everett, Offerman, Rocker on the list further proving HGH and steroids will make you crazy.

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BY MR. POON AT 11:28 AM
In Rich Garces’s defense, he didn’t know that guy he ate happened to be on the juice.

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BY CHAMOMILES DAVIS AT 11:29 AM
Let’s not forget about Fanny Alexander, who tested positive for existentialism.

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BY GET HIM A BODY BAG, YEAH! AT 11:33 AM
Julian Tavarez? I knew steroids shrunk your balls, but I didn’t know they made you look like someone put out a fire on your face with a screwdriver.

*****

So, I admit, most of those comments are probably only funny to me. In any event, have a good weekend, friends and stalkers all.

A voiceover quote from the show:

“When we say we live and breathe sports, we mean it literally.”

No, you don’t. You mean ‘figuratively.’ You cannot physically inhale sports. Sorry, but that was just stupid.

Beyond that, great show, ESPN. Dan Patrick and Kenny Mayne still slay me.

Mercury Morris is the #1 reason I am rooting for the New England Patriots to go undefeated this season (following closely by Don Shula’s request for an asterisk on the Pats’ win-loss record, followed by every other pathetic member of the undefeated ‘Phins squad and their whining ways). We, as a society, really, really need these clowns to go away. Check out this video of poor old Merc on SportsCenter last night, desperately trying to remain relevant, desperately clinging to an achievement that occurred 35 years ago, not realizing that everyone on the planet is laughing at him. Aggressively. It’s impossible not to; this man is hilarious.

After Morris finished up his “rap,” he immediately retired to his front porch where he yelled at invisible children to stay off his lawn and preached to no one in particular about how cell phones are the demise of this once-great nation.

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(Warning: most of these stories are outdated by about a week. Sorry. Also: heavy on snark. Let us blame the percoset for that one, mkay?)

1. Fire Joe Morgan has a great response to a trade proposed by Pioneer Press columnist and unrivaled baseball genius Bob Sansevere. Man, I wonder what it must be like to be a veteran journalist, a beat writer with dozens of years of experience, and still have no clue about how baseball transactions. Today is the day I’ve given up on Sanny.

2. The best part about this (rather boring) extended feature on Bo Jackson and what he’s up to these days? It reminded me of this crazy Tecmo Super Bowl run in which video Bo takes up an entire quarter making a 99-yard run.

3. Anyone who used to listen to KQ92′s morning show (you’re not still listening, are you?) will fondly remember Leroy the Angry Southerner, and will probably wonder what ever happened to him. Well, wonder no more. He’s living in Dallas, videotaping an argument about coach Bob Knight shooting at his property. If my boys have to come down there, someone’s ass is gon’ get whooped.

4. Sports Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year” award goes to … the fifth best quarterback in the NFL! And lest you think the award is only about on-field efforts, here is another reason this blowhard won the coveted award: “Favre has matured before our eyes while never losing his boyish love for the game.” See folks, not only is he still an above-average QB in the league, but he actually enjoys it. Today is the day I’ve given up on Sports Illustrated.

Have you seen any footage of the Purple Jesus in his formative years? It’s a jaw-dropping, pants-tightening, duct-tape-my-wang-to-my-leg video, that’s for sure (or maybe I’m being dramatic).

Clip below. I recommend you mute the death metal soundtrack blaring during the video and instead play something a little more appropriate. Like, say, Barry White’s “You’re My First, My Last, My Everything” for instance. That just feels right.

My man-crush on Peterson may be a bit disturbing.

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Not only is this play every brand of miraculous known to man, but the announcing from the play-by-play man is incredible as well. Someone get that fella network job.

Never seen anything quite like this. Trinity College: you are the balls.

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Three recent stories have helped to confirm my long-standing assertion that Derek Jeter is a vastly overrated player. Let’s walk through these step-by-step:

#1: Aaron Gleeman points out that Jeter’s lifetime offensive numbers are nearly identical to Joe Mauer’s. Why is there such a discrepancy in their perceived value? Who knows.

#2: Josh Alper @ The Fanhouse compares Jeter’s postgame quotes to that of his purple-lipped infield mate, and wonders why everyone is so quick to jump on A-Rod as the uncaring, selfish player. I don’t get that either.

#3: This last one comes courtesy former Minnesotan Jim Caple on Page 2:

Player A has a career postseason OPS of .846. Player B has a career postseason OPS of .844. Since 2000, Player A has hit .211 or less in a third of his postseason series. Since 2000, Player B has hit .200 or less in not quite a third of his postseason series. Since 2000, Player A has batted above or near his career average in just over half (nine of 15) his postseason series. Since 2000, Player B has batted above his career average in just under half his postseason series.

Player A hit .176 during the most recent series, drove in one run and grounded into a rally-killing double play late in the final loss. Player B hit .267, drove in one run and homered in the last game.

And just who are Players A and B? Why Derek (Mr. October) Jeter and Alex (The Great Pumpkin) Rodriguez, of course. Surprised any of their postseason stats could possibly look so similar? You would be if you listened to the New York media, which thinks Jeter can do no wrong and A-Rod can simply do nothing.

I know, I know. You can make statistics say anything you want. And they never tell the whole truth anyway. Where, after all, is Jeter’s amazing flip to home? (It’s hidden in his assists total for the 2001 Division Series.) Or his walkoff home run as the clock passed midnight and October turned to November in 2001? (It’s among his 17 postseason home runs.) And, as Yankees fans would insist, where are his four World Series rings?

Yes, Jeter has proven himself under pressure. But this notion that Jeter is always Captain Clutch and A-Rod is always Charlie Brown simply isn’t true. Jeter has played in a lot of postseasons, and if you play in that many, you’re bound to have some stinkers along with the great ones. And he has (including this most recent). Just as A-Rod has had some big series as well, including — gasp! — with the Yankees (2004 when he hit .421 in the Division Series and had a higher average, on-base percentage, OPS, more runs, more home runs and as many RBIs as Jeter in the ALCS).

You can blame A-Rod for having another disappointing October in the Bronx. Just remember, he’s had company.

This much is clear: Jeter is overrated, and not clutch in any way. He’s simply a great ballplayer who’s happened to have had a few great moments on the national stage. Not a legend, not a hero. I wonder if it’s difficult for the media to type while simultaneously juggling his nuts?

Best story of the day: first, The Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson penned this (probably) unfair, unsubstantiated article about OSU quarterback Bobby Reid and the supposed reason for his recent benching. Then, OSU head coach Mike Gundy followed up with a new-asshole-ripping rant of the highest order:

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God, that’s good. I just hope this story gets made into a movie so Al Pacino can deliver this speech on the big screen.

It’s just a shame the audio didn’t pick up Carlson, just off camera, furiously trying to dig a hole through the floor to climb in to. I almost feel bad for her, but on the other hand no I do not.

As seen on AaronGleeman.com: