World of B

I realize picking on a Rick Reilly column is trafficking in the shooting of fish in barrels. For one, it’s been done to death (though I think it behooves all of us to read this classic collection of Reilly’s numerous tooth-based metaphors every so often, for shits n’ chuckles). For another, his arguments that rightfully deserved to be ridiculed are likely penned to bait haters like myself in order to increase site traffic. Such is life.

I have to assume the latter factor was the driving force in Reilly’s latest doozy, in which he writes about Kelly Kulick, the PBA competitor who just won the national bowling title, a feat never accomplished by a woman in any “sport” (his word).

The gist: Reilly is outraged that we, as in every American citizen, didn’t immediately compare Kulick to Susan B. Anthony and bronze a statue in her honor, over what he has deemed — with a straight face, I presume — “one of the single greatest female sporting achievements in history.”

Yes, he wrote that.

Just for good measure, here is my favorite excerpt:

This is the equivalent of “Man Gives Birth!” It’s never happened in any ball sport in American history. Kulick, 32, should own Page 1. Somebody should throw her a parade. Or at least a state dinner.

Congratulations to Kulick, who should be very proud of her accomplishment but also hopefully a bit more aware of the limited popularity of her chosen profession than Reilly here, who sadly (by which I mean hilariously) just suggested the idea of a parade about bowling.

Now that is one toothless argument.